Mr Finleyson and Martha went into the kitchen. Martha stared up at him with a quizzical look in her little black beady eyes. He looked at her and said, "What's wrong girl? Confused about the chaos around you"?

The sight that met him when he walked into the kitchen made him reel backwards. The kitchen was completely turned upside down, with food thrown everywhere.
There was also broken crockery on the counters and the wooden floor. The cupboard doors were hanging off their hinges.
The contents were scattered all over the kitchen floor. The pots and pans were lying amongst the debris, dented and twisted.
A tray of the morning's egg collection was lying on the floor. Broken and smashed eggs mingled with the food that had been in the cupboards.
There were cornflakes, branflakes, porridge oats, pasta, flour, soup mix and tins of assorted food products lying dented on the floor amongst the cereals and dry goods.
The fresh loaf of bread he had left on the kitchen table on the breadboard had been pulled apart with crust and crumbs everywhere.
It looked as if half of it had been eaten then thrown onto the floor.
The contents of the fruit bowl on the counter was strewn across the floor, dented and bruised.
The grapes were scattered everywhere!
His newspaper which he had left neatly folded on the kitchen table, as he hadn't finished reading it, was was ripped to shreds and thrown around the kitchen.
The butter dish lay broken amongst the mess with the butter smeared all over the floor and table. Only the contents of the fridge remained intact as it hadn't been ransacked for some strange reason.
The bottle of washing liquid had been knocked over and had spilled over the counter top then onto the floor.
Every item in the kitchen, food and non food products were scattered everywhere or lying broken, smashed or damaged on the floor. You couldn't see the wooden floor anymore!
The people responsible must have had a food fight before fleeing!

Even the unopened post he had left on the table was lying ripped to shreds amongst the food. He would never know what was in the post. Maybe it had been important!

The curtains were hanging out the open window in tatters.

His mother's china cabinet was face down. The glass front smashed to smithereens, with his mother's best china smashed to bits around the dining room floor.

The old mahogany bookcase was on its side broken, shelves broken and books lying around the room with their pages ripped out and scattered everywhere.
Mr Finleyson walked around the room shaking his head in disbelief. "Depraved animals" he kept muttering.
He was still clutching Martha, who was unusually quiet and seemed in a sombre mood. She was obviously sensing there was something wrong, by Mr Finleyson's reactions as he went from room to room.

He decided to leave the lounge for last, as it seemed the worst hit. The brief time he had stood there looking around was too much for him to take in as it was the largest room in the house.
He was about to head to the kitchen when the two policemen came down the stairs and said to him, " There's no one up there but it's as bad as it is down here! Do you have home insurance because you're going to need it! Do yiu have any idea what they could have been looking for? Let us know if there's anything missing".

Mr Finleyson replied, " I have house insurance which I have never had to use. I don't really have anything of value around the house, so I can't imagine what they were looking for".

PC Crighton replied, " How do you think they got in"?

Mr Finleyson replied, "I never lock my doors as I have never needed to. Because it was so warm this morning I left the windows open to cool down the rooms as there was a breeze blowing. So they could have walked through the front or back doors or got in through the open windows. Take your pick! I know what you must think of me. That I was an irresponsible fool to have left the house unsecured. I won't be doing that again!

PC Crighton, "We will bring you a copy of our report, as you'll need it for your insurance company. Here is your crime reference number in the meantime. My name and number are on it if you have any questions.
I will notify the fingerprint officer who will be here shortly to go over the house for any fingerprints thst aren't yours, to eliminate you. Don't touch or move anything until he's finished. This is officially a crime scene"!
Mr Finleyson, "Can I look around the house at the damage"?

PC Crighton, "If you want but it will be distressing for you. Is there anyone you can call for some moral support? You'll need help to clean up the mess".

Mr Finleyson, "I can call the young lad who helps me around the farm and his father who lives down the road at the next farm".

PC Crighton, "That's good that you have someone to help you. Do you want me to call them and explain what's happened here and ask them to come right away"?

Mr Finleyson, "If you want to. I would really appreciate that officer".

PC Crighton, "No bother. Do you have their number"?

Mr Finleyson gave them Tom's phone number. PC Crighton went outside to the police 4x4 to make the call.

The older of the two policemen took out his little black book and began to write down what Mr Finleyson was telling them about what he had found when he came home. The policeman then wrote down all the details of the incident.
The policemen and Mr Finleyson went inside his house. The older policeman, PC Crighton, told him to stay downstairs while they went upstairs to make sure there was no one still up there. He told Mr Finleyson this was for his own safety.
The younger of the two policemen, PC Dunning, went up the stairs first with PC Crighton right behind him.

As Mr Finleyson stood in the middle of his ransacked lounge surveying the damage, a feeling of sadness and despair washed over him.
He tried to access the that was all around him but gave up after a minute as he was too upset and couldn't concentrate.
He just shook his head and thought, "Who would do something like this? What were they looking for"?
He didn't understand why they targeted him. Maybe they were crazed drug addicts looking for money!

As he looked around the room littered with his damaged possessions, he noticed that his brand new digital camera was lying on its side amongst the debris, smashed to bits. The memory card had even popped out when it hit the floor.
He went over and picked it up and put it in his pocket.
He had just bought the camera two weeks ago and had yet to use it. He was still reading the instruction book which had come with it.
He had treated after his camera of thirty years had packed up and couldn't be fixed.

He had always enjoyed photography since he was a boy. He loved nothing more than going for long rambling walks taking photographs of nature along the way. It had always been a hobby of his.
With all the new technology on the market, he bought a camera that was the least complicated to work, but even that camera was proving difficult for him to understand!
He was learning by reading the instructions and by trial and error.

He had been looking forward to using it but now it was lying on the floor, broken and useless to him.
It had been a dear camera to buy!

He would have to make a claim on his house insurance for all the damage done to his house.
That would put his premiums sky high. What else could he do?
He walked into the dining room and could not believe the mess in there! The wallpaper was actually hanging off the walls in strips. What kind of depraved people would tear the wallpaper off the walls? What did they hope to find?

All the dining room chairs were lying on their backs with the padded seats tattered and in shreds with the stuffing hanging out everywhere, ruined beyond repair.
The curtains were in tatters as if slashed with a knife. All the pictures that had hung on the walls were off the walls lying on the floor with the glass smashed to pieces and the frames broken to bits!

Mr Finleyson became so concerned about Blanche's incessant bathing, he took her to the vet.
The vet diagnosed Blanche with obsessive compulsive disorder or better known as OCD. Poor Blanche!

The more Martha chased Blanche through the muddy pot holes, the worst her OCD got.
He took Martha aside and sternly told her to leave Blanche alone.
He didn't know if she understood what he was saying but she looked him squarely in the eyes and hissed at him in the face!

His thoughts returned to the present and Martha and Blanche still locked in battle, with Blanche getting balder by the minute!

He chuckled to himself as he recalled an incident which took place last summer.

He had been up bright and early to do his work round the farm. He needed to drive into the village that day to buy supplies for his household and the farm.
He also had to post some letters.
He went to the Post Office first, where he stood behind Robbie McShane.
When they were both finished posting their letters, they walked outside together where they stood on the pavement and had a blether.
They parted company and he went on to the feed shop for hen food, the bakery, butchers and the greengrocers. He had a few errands to run before getting into his Land Rover for the drive back to his farm.
He had spent around two hours in the village.

He arrived home around twentyfive minutes later. He drove to the barn and parked.
He got out and went round back to the 4x4 and opened the tailgate. He began to unload the sacks of hen feed. Then he carried them one by one into the barn.
He noticed Martha and Blanche in the far corner sitting on a bale of hay preening each other.
They seemed to be merrily clucking away to each other.
He could see Blanche had a bald patch on top of her head.
He didn't remember seeing the bald patch when he left for the village.
He was glad they were not sitting in front of Blanche's mirror for her to see the bald patch. That would not go down well with her!

When he had finished carrying all the sacks into the barn, he drove round to his house and parked in front.
He got out of the 4x4 and walked up the path to the front steps to his front door, opened and stepped into the large hall. He hung his hat on the coat rack then opened the door into his lounge and stepped inside.
The sight he was met with made him take a step back and gasp. His house had been ransacked!
There was destruction and debris wherever he looked. It was very quiet but he wondered if the person or persons who did this were hiding upstairs.
He scolded himself for never locking his doors. He thought better of going upstairs in case they appeared and attacked him!

The lounge looked as if a bomb had gone off! He hurried back outside and took out his mobile phone from his pocket and dialled 999. His first thought was of relief that he had seen Martha in the barn with Blanche, which meant she was safe.

The emergency operator answered and asked him which emergency service he wanted. He told her he needed the police. The operator took down his details then told him the police were on their way.
He was also told to stay outside for his own safety until the police arrived.
He paced up and down the front of his house. He was a bag of nerves as he waited. Each minute seemed like an hour!
In the distance he saw Martha running towards him, minus Blanche.
What a sight for sore eyes, he thought. As she neared where he stood, he saw a police car turn into his drive and head towards him.
They stopped their police 4x4 right next to where his Land Rover was parked. Martha arrived and he bent down to pick her up.

Two policemen got out of the 4x4 and walked towards him. He introduced himself.
They each told him who they were.
Mr Finleyson briefly told the officers what he had found when he stepped inside his lounge to find it ransacked! And how he did not go upstairs in case the person or persons responsible were hiding upstairs!

Martha then managed to lift her bum off the floor and propel her legs straight up in the air and then forward, where she kicked Blanche in the bum with both feet as hard as she could.
The kick sent Blanche flying forward ten feet, doing somersaults along the way, where she was stopped by the wall of the cell.
She stood up and shook herself off as Martha was already on her feet, legs kicking in all directions as she went towards Blanche with fire in her little black beady eyes.
Martha jumped up in the air and did a spinning side kick which landed on Blanche's left side, below her wing, knocking her to the ground.
As Blanche got to her feet again for the second time, Martha crouched down, knees bent, then she thrust her right leg forward, spun round on her left leg close to the ground and caught Blanche on the back of her legs, sweeping her legs out from under her.
It was Martha's best karate move.
She had learned all her moves from watching "Bruce Lee" movies, her favourite. She never missed his movies when they were on the telly!

She held karate classes in the barn to teach the hens and chicks how to protect themselves from fox attacks.

Blanche fell backwards onto her back, her legs kicked wildly in the air. Martha's feet shuffled back and forth, wings held up in victory as she watched her try to get up.
Blanche managed to roll onto her side and push herself into a sitting position with her wings.
Martha then flew at her, knocking her onto her back. She jumped on top of her chest, then began to bounce up and down, hissing and blowing raspberries in Blanche's face!

Blanche squirmed and twisted from side to side to throw Martha off her. Martha then smacked Blanche across her face over and over with both her wings.

At that point Gilbert turned to Mr Finleyson and said, "Don't you think you should break up the fight before one of them gets hurt"?

Mr Finleyson chuckled and replied, "They're just letting off steam. I've seen them fighting like this hundreds of times since they were chicks. Being cooped up in this cell hasn't helped their temperaments any.
They are actually very fond of each other but they both have strong personalities which clash at times.
If they wanted to hurt each other they could.
Notice they haven't used their claws which would cause serious damage to one another.
They are angry at each other but are not fighting to wound or hurt each other. It's a power struggle between them that has gone on from day one!
Martha is the queen of the farmyard and Blanche wants her crown! None of my other hens fight and neither Martha or Blanche ever fight with the other hens!
Martha usually wins these altercations, the only thing that gets hurt is their egos! You should see them fighting in the farmyard.
They have room to move around and all the other hens always form a large circle around them as they cheer them on. I've seen them rolling around the yard and somehow end up in the barn, ,swinging from the rafters at each other! The other hens perched atop every bale of hay in the barn, jumping up and down cheering them on.
I never interfere. I just let them get on with it. When it's over the two of them are "thick as thieves"!

Gilbert replied, "You know your hens better than I do Oliver. Come to think of it, my hens have had a few squabbles with each other over the years. I always thought they had a pecking order and one of them ruffled a few feathers.
After the fracas was over they were all the best of friends. You're right not to interfere Oliver"!

Mr Finleyson looked over at Martha and Blanche rolling around the floor of the cell, knocking "seven bells" out of each other.
He noticed that Blanche was now covered in bald patches. He shook his head in despair. What had Martha done to her? When Blanche saw all the bald patches, and she would, there would be hell to pay! She would make the whole farm suffer, including him!

He had never met or owned a hen as vain as Blanche. She would sit in front of the old mirror that had been his parent's. It had hung in the dining room and had seen better days! He had taken it down and put it in the barn, propped up against a bale of hay at the far corner of the barn.
He had put it there until he decided what to do with it.

Blanche would spend hours in front of the mirror preening herself, oblivious to her surroundings or the passing of time.
He decided to leave it there for her. When she wasn't in front of the mirror or rolling around the farmyard fighting with Martha, she could be found in his house, upstairs, in the bathroom, either sitting in the sink, the bath or standing in the shower cubicle.
She loved being in water so she could carry out her daily ablutions.
He would either fill the sink, fill the bathtub or turn on the shower for her to run around in.
She would spend hours paddling around the filled sink or filled bathtub, where she had room to do the backstroke, kicking her little stick legs as she propelled herself around the bathtub with her eyes blissfully closed!

He had tried on many occasions to keep her from sneaking into his house and taking up residence in his bathroom. But she always managed to get in through an open window or door.
He had to bolt the bathroom door when he was bathing or showering, as she had once sneaked in while he was soaking in the bath which was full of bath salts. He was lying back, head against the back of the bath, eyes closed, deep in thought, when Blanche got into the bath and paddled around at his feet. He opened his eyes, raised his head and looked down the bath towards the taps.
What a fright he got when he saw two little black, beady eyes staring down the bath at him! He thought for a moment he was dreaming. He shook himself awake and realised it was Blanche. She had somehow sneaked in without him knowing about it. It was after that he bolted the door behind him.

Martha hated it when Blanche was in the house. She was the only hen allowed in! Blanche had no business in her and Finney's house, especially Blanche. The cheek of her!

Mr Finleyson noticed that when Blanche was in the bathroom bathing, Martha became very abusive and belligerent towards the other hens and also himself.

She would lay in wait for Blanche, under the porch steps. Little black, beady eyes peering out. When Blanche emerged from the house, all spick and span from her hours of bathing, Martha would pounce on the unsuspecting Blanche, knocking her to the ground into the nearest pothole of mud.
Poor Blanche would be covered in slimy mud from head to toe! Just her little black, beady eyes poking out of her muddy little face!
Martha would then chase Blanche round the farm, imitating a potoroo in the pursuit and make sure poor Blanche went through every muddy pothole on the farm!

When Martha got bored, the chase was over and she would wander off leaving Blanche standing in the farmyard caked in slimy mud!
Blanche would then have to sneak back into Mr Finleyson's house, up the stairs and into the bathroom, leaving a muddy trail in her wake.
She would then clamber into the bath and wait for Mr Finleyson to come along and fill the bath so she could wash the mud off!

Blanche went over to where Martha was sitting and squared up to her. She told Martha, "If you do not stop that incessant racket I'm going to knock you into the next millennium! Do you understand"? Martha looked up at Blanche and loudly hissed at her then drew her right wing up and poked Blanche in the eye! Mr Finleyson watched the two of them, not understanding what was going on between them, until he saw Martha poke Blanche in the eye with her wing. "Oh no"! He thought. He said sternly to both of them, "Now now girls, let's all calm down and go back to sleep. I'm sorry Martha I spilled water on you and woke you up. Don't take it out on Blanche. Come down here and sit beside me Martha and go back to sleep". He saw that Martha and Blanche were not listening to him as they faced each other with narrowed eyes. Before he could say another word, Blanche and Martha flew at each other, loudly screeching, wings flapping, beaks snapping, feathers flying as they rolled around the long wooden bench, up and down the length of it, bouncing off the wall along the way! The other hens gathered round them the best they could as they seemed to cheer them on. There wasn't enough room in the cell for fighting! As Martha and Blanche continued to roll around and bounce off the walls, Gilbert looked on with amusement. The other hens continued to cheer and stamp their little feet. They hopped from side to side on their little stick legs. The noise from the screeching Martha and Blanche coupled with the loud clucking of the other hens, was deafening in the small confined cell. Mr Finleyson expected the cell door to burst open at any second, as police officers waded in to break up the two brawling hens. But no one appeared! Gilbert got up off the floor to give the hens more room, as Martha and Blanche fell off the bench as they went "hammer and tongs" at each other. Rolling around the cell floor, causing Mr Finleyson to scramble out of the way towards the door. Martha was so angry at Blanche, she jumped on top of her and put her wings tightly round Blanche's neck in a head lock! They began to wrestle. Blanche managed to put her wings up and under Martha's and broke Martha's headlock and then spun round and grabbed Martha and flung her over her shoulder onto the ground, where Blanche then jumped on top of Martha, pinning her to the floor as Martha's little stick legs kicked wildly in the air at Blanche's bum. She managed to wriggle down a bit as Blanche sat on top of her chest!

Mr Finleyson replied, "Good idea Gilbert. I'll go once you get back. Ask the sergeant if they could freshen up the hen's water while you're passing the desk." Gilbert got up from his mat opened the cell door and stepped out. He could hear the hushed tones of the staff. There were still a few shouts here and there from the prisoners. All in all it was a lot calmer and quieter than it had been earlier on! He tiptoed down the hall towards the bathroom. He didn't see anyone going or returning. The desk sergeant was not at his desk. He noticed the clock on the wall behind the desk read 12:10 am. Maybe all the officers were at a meeting, including the desk sergeant. He tiptoed back to the cell and opened the door. Mr Finleyson then got up to go to the bathroom Gilbert said to him, "On you go Oliver. There is no one on duty out there. Empty. Didn't see a living soul. Even the desk sergeant is not behind his desk. No one to ask for clean water for your hens. Why don't you take the bowl with you and you can get fresh water from the bathroom sink". Mr Finleyson said, "Good idea, I'll do that" He picked up the bowl off the bench and tiptoed out of the cell so not to disturb his hens. Out he went and he headed down the long hall to the bathroom. He re-filled the hen's bowl in the sink and headed back to the cell, carefully carrying the bowl of water. He also noticed there was no one about. Where was everyone he thought? Maybe it was their shift change. He went past the desk to the cell. No desk sergeant. Oh well, he thought. He opened the cell door and went carefully over to the bench with the bowl of clean water. He managed to spill some of the water onto Martha's head as he leaned over her to put the bowl down. Her eyes flew open and she hissed at him then started blowing raspberries at him, which disturbed the other hens. Before he knew it, the other hens were clucking loudly at Martha as if to tell her to stop the loud raspberry blowing, so they could get back to sleep. Martha continued her loud hissing and raspberry blowing, ignoring her sister's pleas for her to stop. She had been in a deep sleep until Finney had spilled water on top of her head, startling her awake! Blanche had enough of Martha's belligerent attitude and noises that had woken them all up. How could she and the rest of them get back to sleep again with Martha carrying on the way she was? You would think Finney had completely drenched her in water!

They both stood up to sort out the bedding and put the mats on the floor. Martha and the hens could all sleep on the wooden bench. It was obvious to both of them that they would be sleeping in their clothes. Mr Finleyson and Gilbert lay down on the mats they had put down on the painted concrete floor, which was freezing cold. They covered themselves with the itchy threadbare horse blankets they were given and lay their heads down on the lumpy, flat pillows provided. This trip had turned out to be a nightmare. He just wanted to get as far as he could away from Norwich and back to his farm and normality. He wanted Martha and her sisters back home on his farm where they were happy and content. These past few days were not good for them. He hoped they would not suffer any ill effects because of what they had been through. Their routine turned upside down, and they all still had that long journey back home to Scotland to endure. The thought filled him with dread! He raised his head to see where Martha was. She was rocking back and forth on the long wooden bench, her eyes closed. The other eight hens were also sleeping. They were all lined up in a row on the bench as if it was a perch. He was worried about them and Martha catching a chill in the cold, dank cell. Gilbert raised his head off the pillow and said, "I'm goingto go for a last toilet break. What about you Oliver"?

"We are all over the head and barely coping. There is nothing more I would like than a ceilidh with dancing hens, but it just won't be possible tonight. I'm really sorry as I know how much both of you and the hens were looking forward to entertaining all of us. Maybe some other time if you're passing through Norwich again and we're not over the head, then we would be happy to be entertained by the hens. It's also getting late and all of you have to be up very early to get ready for court. Not to mention getting yourselves ready. The hens will have to be fed and watered so it would be best if all if you had an early night. Someone will be along soon to give you blankets, pillows and mats to sleep on, ok"? Mr Finleyson replied, " I understand sergeant. You're right. It was very remiss of me forgetting how busy you must be considering what happened at the show grounds. Anyway, Gilbert and I could use an early night. I didn't realise until now, how tired I am. The last few days have caught up with me. See you in the morning sergeant. Let's go back to the cell and get some sleep Gilbert". Gilbert said, "Okay, we will have to carry Martha and the other hens back to the cell. We'll have to make two trips. I'm also tired, I could use the sleep". Mr Finleyson picked Martha up and two others while Gilbert carried three of the hens back to the cell. Mr Finleyson put Martha and her sisters down on the wooden bench and went back out and picked up the last three hens and returned to the cell. He set them down beside Martha and the others, before sitting down himself. He all of a sudden felt very weary. They waited for their mats and bedding to be brought to the cell. He could hear cell doors opening and closing, hatches opening and closing, talk amongst the officers, prisoners shouting and swearing at the staff and police officers telling the prisoners to stop, to shut up and go to sleep! It was indeed a very busy station. He could tell by the constant noise. A policeman knocked and entered the cell carrying mats and bedding. He set everything down on the seat and left the cell. Mr Finleyson and Gilbert both shouted thank you as he was leaving the cell. They could hear tbe officer say "No bother".

The sergeant stood up and leaned over the desk and looked down at Martha and the other hens kicking their legs and moving around the floor. He thought Mr Finleyson was winding him up when he asked if he could hold a ceilidh with his hens. He would never have guessed he was serious! The last shift had let Mr Finleyson and his hens dance the night away as if the station was a dance hall. This desk sergeant was not as accommodating as his previous colleague was. He would try to let the old boy down gently. There would be no ceilidh on his shift! They had never been busier than it was today due to the rioting at the show grounds. All the police stations in Norfolk were full. They, at his station were having to put three to a cell, hence the reason Mr Finleyson, Gilbert, Martha and her sisters were in the booking cell! He looked at Mr Finleyson and Gilbert, and said, "You must realise how busy we are due to the riots at the show grounds. You were both there and saw the vast numbers that were arrested. Every police station in Norfolk is bursting at the seams with prisoners.

Ceilidhs, dancing hens and politeness. Who was this geezer? He started to wonder if they were still in the police station. He wasn't used to such polite prisoners. "I guess there's always a first!"! He said to himself. He was used to the prisoners being escorted to the desk by police officers handcuffed, shouting, kicking and screaming, being threatened with violence and spat at. For the first time in his career he is confronted by an elderly, well spoken, very nice, polite gentleman carrying a hen! Wait until the Inspector hears about this one! If only all the prisoners he dealt with on a daily basis were as polite and considerate as this chap. A bit eccentric though going about with a hen under his arm. Takes all kinds. Rather an eccentric prisoner with a hen, than a violent psychopath wanting his "guts for garters". He had just started his shift so he didn't know why the chap had a hen with him and in jail no less! Was the hen a prisoner also? He would have to find that out. The chap was asking him if he could hold a ceilidh in reception with his dancing hens. Was the chap away with the fairies? So the desk sergeant looked at Mr Finleyson and said, " sure, go ahead and hold your ceilidh. There's nothing else going on round here ". The sergeant told Mr Finleyson sarcastically. Mr Finleyson replied, " Thank you very much sergeant. Very decent of you. I'll go and tell Gilbert and the other hens. They will be so excited when I tell them ". The sergeant told Mr Finleyson, "Other hens? What other hens? How many are you talking about? " Mr Finleyson replied, " My other eight hens that are in the cell with Gilbert." The sergeant then said, "Gilbert who?" Mr Finleyson replied, "The other prisoner who was arrested with me. All the info will be on our booking sheet." The sergeant shook his head in confusion as Mr Finleyson walked away towards the booking cell to tell Gilbert the good news about the ceilidh he got permission to hold! He opened the cell door and went in, still clutching Martha. Gilbert was sitting on the wooden bench, surrounded by his other eight hens. Mr Finleyson said to Gilbert, "Good news Gilbert, the ceilidh is going ahead. The sergeant gave us permission. There's a different desk sergeant on and he doesn't seem to know what's going on, and he doesn't have a clue who we are. We better get out there and get started before he changes his mind! Come on, let's go! Could you please carry a few of the hens? I'll come back for the rest of them." Gilbert picked up three of the hens and followed Mr Finleyson out to the booking hall. He set the hens down as the sergeant looked on with amusement. "Was he running a jail or a farmyard?" He asked himself. Mr Finleyson put Martha down next to her sisters, then went back along with Gilbert for the rest of the hens. They emerged from the cell carrying the other five hens. They set them down with the others. Mr Finleyson went over to the desk and told the sergeant the ceilidh was about to start and could he tell the other officers and civilian workers to come and watch the ceilidh and his hens do Scottish dancing.

Mr Finleyson picked her up off his lap and stood up. He turned to Gilbert and said, "I'm going to go and speak to the desk sergeant about having a ceilidh later on. They have changed shifts, so it would be nice for the new shift to see Martha and the other hens dance the Highland Fling. Be right back". He went out of the cell and over to the desk. There was a different sergeant on duty, the last shift of officers had gone home. The desk sergeant looked up at him and said, "Can I help you"? Mr Finleyson explained to the sergeant that he would like to hold a ceilidh, so the new shift of police officers could watch his hens do some Scottish dancing. He told the sergeant that the last shift of officers and civilian workers had really enjoyed watching his hens dance. He said to the sergeant, "I would like to repay all the care and kindness that has been shown to Gilbert, myself and my hens. I wanted to thank all of you with a ceilidh. Would that be possible"? The desk sergeant scratched his head and thought to himself, "Is this old geezer for real"?

Blanche turned round and faced Martha and said, "What ceilidh? If I had known, I wouldn't have eaten and drank so much. What about the others? They won't be fit for a ceilidh, especially Edna. You know what a gannet she can be when it comes to food and drink! I wouldn't be surprised to find her intoxicated and bloated. Did you know that Miss Daniels had to sew a gusset into Edna's tutu? Thelma told me, mums the word. Don't tell the others, we wouldn't want to hurt the old dear's feelings, would we"? Martha replied, "No, we wouldn't. Your secret's safe with me". Blanche then said, "Out of curiosity, where is the ceilidh being held"? Martha said, "Out in the booking area. I heard Finney tell Gilbert that as we were going home tomorrow after court, he thought by having a ceilidh, with the desk sergeant's permission of course, we could bring a bit of Scottish dancing and fun to England as a thank you for taking such good care of us. Do you think that if you had fortywinks you would be up for the ceilidh"? Blanche replied, "Try stopping me. When does it start"? Martha said, Don't know. I imagine within the hour. We have an early start tomorrow morning. We're in court at 9:00 a.m." Blanche replied, "Right, I'm off for my fortywinks. Wake me when the ceilidh starts, ok!" Martha said, "No bother" Blanche went and joined the other hens. Martha went and jumped up onto Mr Finleyson's lap. He stroked her head while talking to Gilbert. She clucked away softly, eyes half shut. She chuckled to herself, thinking about Blanche and that ridiculous story she concocted about the food and drinks party in the kennels was a load of balderdash. Did Blanche really think she was that gullible?

She knew her position on the farm and so did all the other hens. She was caring, especially to the young chicks. She looked out for them and taught them the ways of the world to help them and keep them safe. The young chicks and hens found out the hard way, that if you crossed Martha you would suffer her wrath. She did not suffer fools gladly! Blanche replied for the other hens, "We had bruchetta topped with roasted tomatoes and peppers with a drizzle of balsamic dressing, ravioli stuffed with wild mushrooms and topped with a splash of truffle oil, saffron rice, chestnut mushroom risotto topped with creme freche, new baked potatoes with sour cream and chives, deep fried camembert cheese with cranberry sauce topping, vegetable sushi, vegetable tempura, sesame noodles topped with delicately grilled baby vegetables, a cashew and macadamia nut loaf, blueberry cheesecake and apple and cinnamon crepes flambeed in brandy and hand churned sweet butter, washed down with a bottle of Cristal champagne. That chef off the telly, Hessian Boombox, cooked and served the meal to us. I can hardly walk after eating all that food", Blanche lied! Martha knew Blanche was lying but did not let on. She just replied to her, "That sounds great! Puts the food I had in the shade. Gourmet food in the kennels? Lucky you! I had to make do with that rubbish that they served to Gilbert and Finney! " Blanche just smiled smugly at Martha. They were full sisters but there had always been a bit of a power struggle between them. Blanche was the leader and spokeshen for the group of show hens. She liked to think the other seven hens felt the same about her. The other seven hens did look to Blanche as their pseudo leader but it was Martha who they looked up to and it was her word that was final! Martha had always ruled the roost and always would! "Martha turned to Blanche and said, "I understand how all that rich food has made you feel, especially all washed down with champagne. You had better go and have a lie down until you have digested all the food. It's a shame you'll miss the ceilidh, still, we'll let you know how we got on, tomorrow! On you go and have a lie down, we'll try not to disturb you!" Blanche had started to walk away from Martha but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard the word "Ceilidh". Only Martha was ahead of Blanche in the world of dancing. Blanche was a real trooper and many a night over the years, the two hens would go heads to head in dance competitions being held in the enormous barn on Mr Finleyson's farm. All the hens from the farm and down the road from the McIntosh farm, would gather round Martha and Blanche as they danced for all they were worth. Little stick legs flying this way and that, wearing their little pink tutus covered in sequins that Miss Daniels, owner off the village pet shop, and Thelma the parrot, had made for Martha, Blanche and the other seven hens. Miss Daniels had made them for each of Mr Finleyson's show hens, for wearing during competitions. Mr Finleyson hated the pink tutus and found them brash and vulgar. No other hen in the competition world wore tutus or any other article of clothing. Martha and the other hens loved wearing the tutus as they became quite belligerent and bolshy towards him, especially Martha if he tried to stop them wearing the tutus. It was non stop hissing and raspberry blowing until she got her own way. He was at least grateful they weren't dancing in public wearing the offensive looking tutus! Martha and Blanche would start with the Jitterbug abd usually finish with the Merengue with all the other dances ever invented, in the middle! Sometimes they would dance late into the night until Mr Finleyson intervened and sent the McIntosh hens home and his hens to their bed and picking Martha up and taking her in the house, where he would hang her little pink tutu on the coat rack in the hall. It looked ridiculous but Martha loved it!

He thanked the policeman as he went back inside. Gilbert then got up and handed Martha back to Mr Finleyson, before walking out of the cell and following the policeman to the bathroom, then back again. Not long after they had used the toilet, the policeman on trolley duty brought their refills of coffee and tea to them. They sat quietly drinking their hot drinks, both of them deep in thought. The truth of it all was that they were both under arrest and there was nothing they could do but just sit there! It was not long after they had finished their drinks that there was another knock on the door before it opened and two policemen entered, each carrying a cage with the other eight hens in them. Mr Finleyson's face lit up and Martha began to dance. The two officers set the cages down on the floor and then they turned around and left the cell, closing the door behind them. Mr Finleyson and Martha were ecstatic to be reunited with the other hens. She jumped off the wooden bench like seat, where Mr Finleyson had put her beside him, and she made a beeline to the other hens, greeting them with, "Guess what I had for my dinner? Finney", that is the nickname Martha and the other hens referred to him as, "shared his dinner with me as usual. I had bread and butter, fresh corn and rhubarb crumble. It was delicious considering it was prison food. What did you eat girls?" To anyone listening, it sounded like a bunch of hens clucking away all at the same time but they could talk to each other and they understood humans speaking to each other but humans could not understand when they spoke among themselves! The other eight hens, although related to each other and Martha, found her a bit insensitive at times. They all loved her to pieces and had a lot of respect and admiration for her. She was after all, the star and number one hen at Finney's farm. No other hen could knock her off her pedestal. All the hens on the farm from old to young, looked up to Martha. She was very wise and savvy! They all knew they could go to Martha with any problem they had, and she would sort it. She would also act as peacemaker when the hens were squabbling amongst themselves, or a one on one fight which could turn nasty. They all knew and understood Martha's close relationship with Finney. It had always been that way! Finney was very good to all his hens on the farm. They were fed very well when home. Martha didn't mean to rub their beaks in it by telling them about the food Finney shared with her. There was no getting away from it, Martha was a Diva!

The policeman who had delivered their meals knocked on the door, then opened it and popped his head round and said to Gilbert and Mr Finleyson, "You done lads? Want anything else to drink? If you're both finished eating I'll take your trays away". Both men replied, "We're done officer. Thank you. It was really good! Much appreciated. Don't want to put you to any bother but we could use a refill of coffee and tea when you get a minute." The policeman went into the cell and removed the two trays and turned to the to the men and replied, "No trouble lads, give me ten minutes and I'll be back with your drinks." The policeman then turned round and left the cell with the two trays. He put them on the trolley and moved onto another cell. There was an intercom and button next to it that you could press and the desk sergeant would answer it. Both men needed the toilet, as their cell was just a holding cell there was no toilet in it. Which was not the case with the other cells, all of them had toilets in them. Mr Finleyson pressed the silver button next to the intercom. A male voice answered. "Can I help you?" Gilbert replied, "Sorry to bother you officer but Oliver and I need the toilet and there's no toilet in this cell. Is there a bathroom we could use?" The sergeant told them, "Someone will come and get you and show you both where the bathroom is. You'll have to one at a time though. Someone's on the way." Sure enough, a minute later there was a knock on the door before it opened and another policeman popped his head round and asked, "Which one of you is going first?" Gilbert told Mr Finleyson to go first. He got up and handed Martha to Gilbert to hold and walked out of the cell with the policeman. He followed him down the hall towards the back of the station. The policeman pointed to a door and said, "Here you go. I'll wait out here for you." Mr Finleyson went into the toilet and did his business, then washed his face and hands. He emerged five minutes later and followed the policeman back to the cell.

You want some more"? He said to her. Her little feet began to shuffle from side to side, which meant yes. He put down more for her. She made light work of the extra food, gone in seconds. She must have been starving! The last few days would have been hard on Martha and the other hens. Out of their environment and not knowing why their routine had been turned upside down. The sooner they got back to the farm the better for Martha and the hens. Their welfare was of the utmost priority to Mr Finleyson. He was so glad he was retiring and would never have to do this again! He gave Martha the rest of his bread to finish off, which she did with no bother. He felt guilty that only Martha was sharing his food and his other hens got nothing but the hen feed he had brought with him. He gave his hens extra food and mash when they were back at his farm, but on the road it was their staple diet that they ate. The good thing was the other hens would never find out about Martha sharing his food. For the first time in two days, he actually felt normal again. Sitting snugly in the cell sharing his dinner with Martha was the first normality he had experienced since they left his farm outside Oban. He would feel better tomorrow morning after a good nights sleep, then he would be able to make the long journey home. He didn't look forward to it though. Gilbert would be riding back to Scotland with him in the Land Rover, as he had come down to Norwich on the train, with his hens being delivered by a livestock transporter lorry. Mr Finleyson would be dropping Gilbert off at the train station in Glasgow, where he would take a train the rest of his journey home to Galashiels, Midlothian. It would be a long way out of Mr Finleyson's way to drive Gilbert back to his farm, as Mr Finleyson lived on the west coast of Scotland, which is where Glasgow is located, which wouldn't be out of his way as Oban is also on the west coast. Galashiels is closer to the east coast than the west. Gilbert was grateful for a lift to Glasgow. He would be a big help to Mr Finleyson as he would share the driving back up to Scotland. After the past couple of days he could use all the help he could get. It would give him a chance to rest on the journey home!

He went and handed that tray to him. "I've got a coffee and tea here for both of you, which is which"? He said. Gilbert raised his hand and said, "Tea's for me coffee is for Oliver here". With all that sorted, the policeman took his leave to pass out the rest of the trays to the other prisoners. Mr Finleyson said to Gilbert, "What have we got to eat, lets see." They both removed the foil which was wrapped around the tray. To their surprise, there was Shepherd's pie, new potatoes, corn, bread and butter and some rhubarb crumble. It all looked very appetising. They were both starving. Mr Finleyson looked at his watch as he did not know if it was light or dark out, as the cell had no windows. His watch read 7:00 p.m. No wonder he was so hungry. He set the tray down to lift Martha off his lap so he could eat. He would set her down next to him on the wooden bench. He picked her up and it startled her awake. She turned and looked at him indignantly and hissed right at him. Mr Finleyson said to Martha, "It's only until I finish eating. How about some bread and fresh corn, would you like that"? Martha loved to share Mr Finleyson's food as it tasted better than the feed her and the other hens got to eat. Mr Finleyson turned to Gilbert and said, "This food is surprisingly good and it's free. Can't get any better then that!" Then he chuckled and continued, "People pay good money for food this good at fancy restaurants and we get it for nothing! We should get arrested more often. A warm place to sleep, Martha at my side, entertainment and good food. What more can you ask for Gilbert"? Gilbert jokingly replied, "My own bed"! Mr Finleyson began to divide up the corn, bread and some crumble for Martha. He set the food for her down on the wooden seat. She dived right in, pecking at it like she had never seen food before! She was so excited she began to sway from side time side as she ate. She already had a little bowl of water which a policeman had provided earlier. She ate her food in record time and looked up at Mr Finleyson accusingly!

Martha sat quietly on Mr Finleyson's lap, her eyes shut. She was asleep. It had been a long day for her and the rest of the hens. All that dancing really tired her out. Come to think of it, he was also feeling very weary and exhausted. The last few days had taken its toll on him. He wasn't a young man anymore! The long drive from Scotland, the riots, being arrested, hardly any sleep, very little food to eat, nothing to drink had left him shattered. He just wanted to eat and lie down so he could get a good night's sleep. He couldn't care less at this point that his evening meal and night's sleep would be in a cell at a police station in Norwich! He felt bad that Gilbert had been dragged into this mess. Gilbert seemed to be taking it in his stride. That was Gilbert though. In all the years he had known him, nothing seemed to phase him. You couldn't meet a more laid back person. He was happy though that Martha was with him. Everything was good as long as he had her. She was still sitting on his lap sound asleep! His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the cell door. As this was a holding cell for being booked after arrest, the door did not lock. They weren't locked in the cell as the rest of the prisoners were! The door opened and there stood a policeman holding a dinner tray. He was standing next to a tall metal trolley on wheels with six shelves on the inside. "Dinner's here", he said as he walked into the cell and handed Gilbert the tray. Then he walked back to the trolley and took another tray off one of the shelves for Mr Finleyson.

They all began to dance once more around the room as their encore. When they were finished they took a bow. The applause was deafening! Everyone was enthralled with Martha and the other hens. The crowd started to disperse and go back to work. The sergeant went round closing all the hatches on the cell doors. As everyone went their way, they all made a point of walking over to the holding cell where Gilbert and Mr Finleyson were. Comments of "Well done" "Great entertainment" "Loved it" "Those hens can dance" "I could watch them all over again" "You should be so proud of your hens" etc etc, were all directed at Mr Finleyson as they walked past. Martha and the hens were fed and watered by the civilian worker in charge of the kennels. The desk sergeant went into the holding cell carrying Martha after she and the other hens had eaten. He set her down beside Mr Finleyson, who was sitting next to Gilbert on a very long, built into the wall, wooden bench like seat. Mr Finleyson picked her up and gave her a cuddle, he was so pleased to have her back. The desk sergeant said to both men, "Are either one of you hungry? We will be serving dinner shortly. For you want tea or coffee with your meals"? Gilbert replied, "I'll have a cup of tea, what about you Oliver"? Mr Finleyson said, "Make mine coffee, thank you " The sergeant replied to both men, "No bother." He turned and looked at Mr Finleyson and said, "Do you want the other hens in here with you, since you're here for the night. They can run around in here and get some exercise. Wouldn't be fair to put them in the kennel and separate them from you and Martha. " Mr Finleyson replied, "Thank you very much sergeant. Martha and I would love to have them in here with us! Very decent of you sergeant. Do you mind having them in here for the night Gilbert"? Gilbert replied, "I don't mind Oliver, the more the merrier! " The sergeant said, "We'll bring them to you after dinner " The sergeant then turned and walked away back to his desk to organise the delivery of dinners which would be delivered on trolleys to the back door.

Martha had taught them all to dance like the famous Cossack dancers. Their little legs were kicking out in front of them as they formed a circle after the last hen had moved forward for her solo dance. All nine hens continued to dance like Cossacks as they went round and round in a circle, still crouched down low, sitting back at an angle and their little kicking legs never stopping, as they went round and round to the clapping of hands and the tapping of feet from the cheering crowd! Mr Finleyson and Gilbert watched from the holding cell. He was bursting with pride as he watched Martha and the other hens dancing. Everyone watching was having a great time. They had never seen anything like it! At some point during the hen's dance routine, the desk sergeant had gone round and opened every hatch on the cell doors so the prisoners could watch the hen's dance. The watching prisoners went wild. They were whistling, cheering, shouting and loudly stamping their feet. They were loving every minute of the hen's dance routine! After the Cossack dancing, the hens threw their wings up in the air and they all began to dance like "Zorba the Greek". They went from side to side, wings held high, little legs crossing over the other leg as they went from side to side, spinning round as they danced. They continued their Greek dancing for another ten minutes until they broke into their finale of the "Fiddler on the Roof" dance, where the hens went from side to side, wings held high in the air, knees bent on the ground as they spun round, standing and kneeling in unison as they went round facing the crowd, backs to each other. They finished their final routine, stopped and bowed their heads. The police officers, civilian workers and prisoners went wild, shouting, "Bravo, more more, encore" as they all clapped loudly and stamped their feet. Martha looked up at Mr Finleyson coyly and winked. She then said to the other hens, "Once more around the room girls"!

Martha and the other eight hens, whose names were, Margaret, Blanche, Edna, Hester, Ethel, Henrietta, Mabel and Hortense, lined up side by side. They were all related to Martha. Blanche and Edna were Martha's full sisters, the other six were half sisters. Everyone who was gathered around the hens began to clap their hands in unison and tap their feet. This was all the encouragement the hens needed to begin dancing. First Martha raised her wings, then brought them down, folding one wing over the other on her chest. The other eight hens followed her lead and did the same thing with their wings. Martha then crouched down low at an angle with her legs outstretched. She then turned and looked down the line of the other hens and said to them, "Come on girls, assume the position as I have done. We've practiced this dance over and over again back at the farm. Give it your best. Don't let Mr Finleyson down. Right girls"! They all replied in unison, "We won't Martha. We'll do our best for the old boy. Don't you worry, you've taught us well"! Martha then replied, "Right girls, are we ready? Start on three. One two three...start dancing! " The eight hens and Martha began to kick their little stick legs out in front of them as they crouched down low, tilted back at an angle. All of them had their wings crossed over each other on their chests. Martha was the first to move forward. Out of line, her little stick legs still kicking out high in the air in front of her, as the other hens stayed in the line crouched down low with their little legs all kicking out in front of them as Martha was doing. They were all in step with each other. Martha, still kicking her little legs out in front of her in the same position, began to move backwards until she was back in line with the other dancing hens. The hen dancing next to Martha began to move forward as her little legs also continued to kick out high in front of her as her body moved forward as if gliding across the floor. She then, while still kicking her little legs, began to then move backwards as Martha had, right back into the line of the other dancing hens. This dancing routine continued with each hen who was dancing and kicking their little stick legs high in front of them until they reached the last hen in line!

It was like she was dancing for her life. Her little stick legs were flying as she twirled round, little legs doing the Two-Step then there was a bit of the Can Can thrown in as Martha spun, dipped, legs flying sideways at one point, wings were flapping, head thrown backwards, beak open, as she bobbed up and down and swayed from side to side, with the arse wiggling and the little stick legs began to shuffle sideways to the right then to the left, as she began to Tango down the long counter. Mr Finleyson gave Gilbert a nudge and said, "Look at Martha go"! Every single police officer and civilian worker in the station had now gathered to watch Martha dance! She was light on her feet as she did the Lindy, then broke into a bit of jiving followed up by the Locomotion with a hint of break dancing thrown in! It was when she started to do the Cha Cha that the crowd went wild! When she finally stopped, she again looked at Gilbert and Mr Finleyson and looked as if she had winked at them again! Everyone who stood watching, went over to pat Martha on the head and were cooing at her. The desk sergeant then shouted over to Mr Finleyson, "Do your other hens dance"? Mr Finleyson nodded as he had seen Martha over the years in the barn on a rainy or winter's day, trying to teach the young hens to dance. She was in charge and it looked like a dance class was in progress! Instead of people, there were hens dancing. Yes, Martha was the matriarch of the hens on his farm. It was Martha's way or the highway! Mr Finleyson returned from his daydreaming to answer the desk sergeant. "Yes sir, they all love a dance. Martha taught them all over the years to dance! The desk sergeant replied, "Would you mind if we brought them through from the kennels to have a little dance with your Martha here"? Mr Finleyson replied, "No, I don't mind. The dancing will be good for them to stretch their little legs and get some much needed exercise"! The sergeant then motioned for two policemen to go out to the kennels and bring them back in their cages. They left to go and get them. A few minutes later, the officers were back, each carrying a cage. They set them down on the floor and opened the cage doors. The eight hens wandered out of their cage and began to walk around. Martha became very excited and vocal when she spotted her little friends. She began to rock from side to side as she spun round. One of the policemen who had gathered round, lifted Martha off the counter and gently put her on the floor to join her hen friends. She went straight to them and they greeted each other with excitement. Everyone who was standing in the large booking hall moved backwards as far as they could to give Martha and the other hens space to run around in!

The desk sergeant and the two arresting officers howled with laughter when they saw it! Other police officers were called to the front desk to have a look. Soon the whole police stations officers were bent over howling with laughter. The desk sergeant said to the photo man, when he recovered from his hysterics, "Let it stand. Print the photo, it goes into the book of mugshots". You can just imagine someone trawling through the mugshot book trying to identity a violent criminal and on one of the pages, there's Mr Finleyson and Martha staring into the camera! The picture of Martha is still in the book at the local Nick in Norwich and has gone down in history as a first! Because of the rioting, all the cells were full. They had even had to put three in each cell. The station was bursting at the seams! Gilbert and Mr Finleyson were told to go and sit in the holding cell by the booking desk! Martha was taken away from Mr Finleyson and put back on top of the counter, while the arresting policeman put down some water and feed for her. They had brought a small sackful from the back of Mr Finleyson's Land Rover. The other arresting officer went and fed and watered the other eight hens, which were now settled into the kennels out the back. The cell door was open and he and Gilbert could see Martha on top of the long counter, pecking at her food. She stopped and looked over at them with her shining, black beady eyes. Mr Finleyson could swear Martha winked at him, then finished eating. All the police at the station seemed to be enamoured with her. The two bowls were removed from the counter. Martha then began to dance!

The policeman holding Martha went inside the long low building, while his partner went round to the back of the van and unlocked the door and opened it, then he unlocked the metal cage and let Gilbert and Mr Finleyson out. He took both of them inside to the booking desk where the sergeant was waiting for them. He took down all of Gilbert's and Mr Finleyson's details which he typed into a computer. The policeman who was holding Martha, put her down on top of the long desk like counter. Mr Finleyson was so happy to be reunited with Martha, even though their separation had been brief. After being booked, they were taken down the hall to be fingerprinted and have their photos taken. Mr Finleyson picked Martha up and he and Gilbert followed the booking sergeant down the hall, where they were shown into a room. Another policeman came into the room and fingerprinted both of them. Mr Finleyson turned to Gilbert as they waited for someone to come and take their mugshots. He said, "I can't tell you Gilbert how sorry I am to have got you into this mess. You have been a good friend to me over the years and here you are, being fingerprinted, about to have a mugshot done, then you'll be slung into a cell for the night, because of Martha! I hope you can forgive us"! Gilbert replied, "You don't need to apologise Oliver. You have done nothing untoward. You can't blame Martha, she doesn't understand the ins and outs of blowing raspberries. She's Martha! We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It happens. That Robocop was a bit touchy, wasn't he?" The man who takes the mugshots entered the room. "Who's first?" he said. Gilbert went and sat down on the stool in front of the camera which was mounted on a tripod. Picture taken, he got up and Mr Finleyson went and sat down, holding Martha on his lap. Just as the man was about to take the photo, Martha raised herself up, stuck out her little tongue at the camera as it took Mr Finleyson's mugshot. When it was shown to the desk sergeant, there was Mr Finleyson staring at the camera and also Martha's little black, beady eyes shining into the camera and the little tongue poised in mid air. Martha was in the mugshot with Mr Finleyson!

"Excuse me officer, but Martha here has never been caged or apart from me since she was a chick. Putting her in a cage and then a kennel could kill her. Please Officer, let me hold onto her for the ride! She is my star hen and means the world to me. Wherever I go, she goes"! The policeman stared at Martha, who was staring back at him. Mr Finleyson could see that Martha was turning on the charm. A little late for that, he thought! Once again he was in trouble, and Gilbert also, because of Martha's antics. She's one of a kind, he thought! The policeman finally replied, "Both of you in the back. Martha can ride up front with us. It will be safer for her. Give her to me so we can get going. Mr Finleyson handed Martha over to him. He then said, "Please take good care of her. She's very special to me". He reassured Mr Finleyson that Martha would be well taken care of. Mr Finleyson and Gilbert got into the metal cage in the back of the police van. The two policemen got in the front of the van. The officer who wasn't holding Martha was the one driving. He started the engine and they drove off, heading for the local "Nick". Martha was sitting on the policeman's lap looking out of the window. She seemed to be enjoying herself. He was stroking her head as they travelled towards the police station. He turned to the policeman who was driving and said, "She's a cutie, isn't she? It's no wonder she's a champion. Puts all the other hens in the shade, doesn't she"? The driver said, "If you say so". They arrived at the nick and drove round the back where the cells were. It was now dark outside.

The policeman then said to both of them, "Come on, which one of you blew the raspberry at me"? The question was met with silence. He then said, "If neither one of you is going to own up, then I have no alternative but to arrest both of you. You are both under arrest. Stay where you are"! He went to the front of the 4x4 and called for back up on his radio. He went back over to the drivers window and told Mr Finleyson his partner was on the way from the bottom of the car park. He explained that you need two officers to make an arrest. A few minutes later his partner pulled up in a police Transit van. Another Robo looking cop got out of the van and walked towards his partner. The first policeman went to the front of the Land Rover again and conferred with his partner. It was ten minutes later when they walked over to Mr Finleyson's window. The first policeman said to Mr Finleyson, "Both of you are under arrest. You both have the right to remain silent etc. Now both of you get out of the vehicle and into back of the van. You will both be taken to the local police station for the night, then taken to court tomorrow morning. Do you both understand the charge of breach of the peace? Do you have anything to say to the charge"? Mr Finleyson replied, "I understand officer but what about the hens that are in the back and Martha here? It's been a long trip for them to get here and now a long day. I am worried about them. They need to be fed and watered. I also need to give them some fresh air and exercise. What's going to happen to them Officer"? He and Gilbert got out of the Land Rover at that point. Mr Finleyson had picked up Martha and was holding on to her. He became very worried about the welfare of Martha and his other eight hens. The policeman said to him, "we will cage up your hens and they will be taken with us to the police station, where they will go into the kennels at the back of the station, where they will be fed and watered. They will be well looked after, so you don't have to worry. They will go into a clean heated kennel. We look after animals all the time. You will get them back when you are bailed at court tomorrow. We will lock up your vehicle after we have caged up the hens. You'll get your keys back when you are ready to leave court, after your hearing. Someone will drive all of you back to your vehicle after court. Do you understand the procedure"? Mr Finleyson was holding Martha so tight her eyes were beginning to look bugged out! He did not want her to be put in the cage and then in a kennel for the night. What was he to do? He had never been apart from Martha and vice versa. She would be traumatised badly by being put in kennels. He had to say something to the policeman!

We were going to leave by way of the show grounds when you arrived. The hen you see sitting here on her cushion is Martha, my star hen and the reigning champion of Britain"! The policeman looked at him and said, "Everything seems to be in order sir, you can try to leave by the show grounds exit on the other side of the site"! Mr Finleyson, feeling relieved, replied, "Thank you officer. I'm sure I can find my way out". The policeman turned to leave. He walked towards the back of the Land Rover and before you knew it, Martha stood up, her little pink tongue came out of her beak and she visibly inhaled oxygen deeply into her lungs and then blew the loudest raspberry ever known to mankind just as the policeman passed the open window where she sat on her cushion. Mr Finleyson's heart momentarily stopped as he turned round in his seat to look at Gilbert, who was sitting there stunned, mouth hanging open and his eyes glazed over! Mr Finleyson broke out in a cold sweat. This was not the church or the minister Martha had blown the loud raspberry at, where the worse that could happen was a severe dressing down and a life ban! No, this was a lot more serious. This policeman looked like a cross between the Terminator and Robocop! He thought, Oh Martha, what have you done? Mr Finleyson looked towards the back of the 4x4. There stood the policeman, not moving, his back was still to them. He slowly turned round and began to walk back towards the front of the vehicle. When he got to the passenger's window where Martha sat, he kept walking towards the front, went round the bonnetand then walked to the drivers window where Mr Finleyson sat. He rolled down the window and said to the policeman, "Can I help you officer"? As he squirmed in his seat. The policeman replied, "That sound you made to me just now will not be tolerated." He then looked at Gilbert and said, "Or was it you who blew the raspberry at me"? Gilbert stared at Mr Finleyson, he did not know what to say!

Mr Finleyson said to Gilbert, "Turn around and look straight down to the bottom of the car park, the riot police have moved in and are arresting everyone they see! They're slinging the rioters into those Transit vans and the big blue transporters. We are going to have to make our move to drive out of here, via the show grounds, within the next few minutes, while the police are all down at the far end of the car park. If we go now we won't be spotted. It should be plain sailing all the way"! Mr Finleyson started the engine, put his foot on the clutch and into first gear. He was about to take his foot off the brake and slowly take his foot off the clutch, when there was a loud tap, tap, tap against the passengers window where Martha was. Both Mr Finleyson and Gilbert looked over at the window where the tapping was coming from. There stood a policeman in full riot gear, tapping on the window with the end of a baton. The sight of him startled Mr Finleyson, as he didn't see the policeman approach the Land Rover. Where did he come from and from what direction? He leaned over where Martha sat and rolled down the window and said to the policeman, "Can I help you officer"? The policeman said, "What are both of you doing here? And why is your Land Rover not destroyed like the rest of the vehicles in this car park"? He then said to Mr Finleyson, May I see your driving license and registration documents please"? While he rummaged about in the glove box looking for the registration, he noticed the policeman was staring down at Martha. All he could think of at that point was that Martha behaved herself. He saw her look up at the policeman and cock her head to one side, staring back at him with her little black, beady eyes. Mr Finleyson leaned over Martha and handed his license and registration documents to the policeman. He then said to him, "My name is Oliver Finleyson and I drove down here from Scotland, where I am a farmer and breeder of hens. I came here to show my hens in competition. In the back seat is a friend of mine and fellow breeder and competitor, Gilbert Davidson, who's also from Scotland. I arrived this morning to compete and I was registering my hens when the trouble started. Gilbert and I were caught up in the melee that took place." He paused and continued, "We ran for my Land Rover to hide abd take shelter from the rioters. We have been here all day! As you know every event and competition was cancelled early on."

Even though Mr Finleyson was starving, he still shared bits of the bread with Martha, as he had done since she was a chick. After they were all fed and watered, Mr Finleyson turned to Gilbert and said, "We have got to somehow get out of here. There must be a way out for us. We can't stay here all night! Do you have any suggestions Gilbert"? Gilbert replied, "Not really Oliver, we are trapped by all these decimated 4x4's. It will take weeks to clean up the show grounds and car park, not to mention how the authorities are going to manage to get all these vehicles to the Scrappy"! Gilbert continued, "The only way I can see for us to get out of here, is to drive through where the turnstile once was and through the show grounds to where the exit is for the day trippers and spectators. It's our only chance out of here! This is a heavy old solid Land Rover which has got plenty ground clearance and your mud terrain tyres will take us through the rough and uneven ground! You've got to try Oliver"!! As Mr Finleyson was about to reply to Gilbert, he noticed at the very bottom of the huge car park, that the riot police had moved in to round up the stray rioters and flush out the rest of them from ruined 4x4's they in which they were hiding. The riot police had parked all their Transit vans and lorry like transporters for the prisoners, on the perimeter of the car park.

"You're the best Martha! I have retired you a true champion. There's not a hen in Britain who has your beauty and poise. The other hens who compete are just mangy, flea ridden vermin who look like they're ready for the knackers yard!" He told Martha. He then turned to Gilbert, momentarily forgetting he was there, "Sorry Gilbert, no offense meant". Gilbert replied, "None taken Oliver'. Mr Finleyson then said, "I'm going to get out to feed the hens and Martha. Then she can run about for a few minutes. Stay here with her for a wee while." He got out of the Land Rover and went to the back and opened the tailgate. He noticed that all the rioting had taken place towards the middle and rear of the car park, so he was away from the mayhem that was still taking place around fifty yards from where his 4x4 was parked. He tiptoed back and forth with the two hen cages and set them down near where the turnstile once was. He fed and watered them and cleaned out the trays. This environment was not good for these eight hens. They would have to come out of the two cages. He went back to the Land Rover and spread an old blanket he carried with him in the very back of his long wheelbase 4x4. He took the cages back one by one and opened them, reaching inside and one by one he lifted the hens out and set them down to run around the back of the vehicle on the blanket. They could walk around and then settle down and sleep. He set the two cages on the roof rack of the Land Rover. He then went round the front and turned his attention to Martha. He lifted her off her cushion and carried her to a grassy area and put her down. He fed and watered her, then let her walk around stretching her little stick legs and pecking the ground as she walked. After ten minutes, he picked her up and carried her back to the 4x4, where he put her back on her cushion. He then dashed off to find some bushes in which to relieve himself. When he got back he told Gilbert where to go and also relieve himself. Gilbert got out and made a dash for the bushes. Mr Finleyson then remembered he had sandwiches and biscuits he had bought at the last petrol station he had stopped at. They would be going soggy, but Gilbert and himself were starving. He could eat a scabby horse if was offered to him! He also had a few cartons of Ribena to wash down the soggy sandwiches and stale biscuits. When Gilbert returned to the Land Rover, he relayed this information about the food to to him. Gilbert began to jump for joy at the prospect of eating something. At that point he did not care what condition it was in! He got back into the Land Rover. Mr Finleyson got into the drivers seat and reached under the seat and pulled out his piece bag. He opened it up and shared the food and the cartons of Ribena with Gilbert,they were both ravenous and scoffed the food and drink down in record time!

Other items strewn everywhere, were broken bottles, walking sticks, fence posts, chairs, tables, spectacles, hearing aids, wrist watches, pocket watches, zimmer frames, kettles, wigs and toupees were everywhere. Articles of shredded clothing, food of every variety was smashed into the ground and adorned the rioters. There was also a sea of popcorn on the ground, broken and smashed vending machines, spoons, forks and knives of every shape and size, cups, dishes, paper cups, paper plates, toilet rolls, rolls of paper towels, a few machetes, boots, brogues, hats, wellies, scarves, ripped and torn jumpers and jackets, a sea broken and smashed mobile phones, a few pairs of colourful trews, dozens of "see you Jimmy" wigs, etc etc. You name it, it was lying on the ground, smashed, broken, ripped, shredded, dirty, muddy, covered in sawdust and food. What a sight. It looked like a war zone! Animal Control moved in along with half a dozen vets to sedate the bulls. They were still charging about in a disoriented manner. The bulls were isolated by Animal Control, to one part of the car park and the vets began firing the sedation darts at them. The darts they used could bring a Rhinoceros down and the bulls began to fall one by one, until they were all sedated. That was the easy part. The hard part would be to get them safely into the horse boxes. This was done by using a powerful winch. Each horsebox was equipped with a winch. The winching of the bulls into the ten horseboxes was being done simultaneously. Before long all the bulls were safely in the horseboxes, still out cold. It would take time for the sedation to wear off! Martha watched intently at everything going on around them. Her little black, beady eyes wide with excitement. She could hardly contain herself. The little stick legs shuffled back and forth. Mr Finleyson turned and said to Gilbert, who had dozed off and was snoring, "Gilbert, wake up! I need to feed and water the hens and clean their cage trays out.Martha needs water and food also. Not to mention she needs a few minutes outside for fresh air and exercise. I also need the toilet as I suppose you will too. I'm not sure where we can go that's safe"! Gilbert groggily replied, "You're right Oliver, we need to get out and find somewhere safe and quiet. What are we going to do about food? I'm starving! We never did make it to the food stalls for lunch due to the fighting erupting everywhere"! With a shrug he continued, "What a lousy day this turned out to be. I'm never coming back here again. Everybody's gone insane and we got caught in the middle"! Mr Finleyson replied, "I'll let you into a little secret, this was to be my last show, win or lose. I was to retire after today's show and enjoy what's left of my life. As it has turned out, because of the riots and with all the judging cancelled, Martha retires at the top. There is not a hen in Britain who can rival her winning record. He looked fondly at Martha, patting her lovingly on top of her head!

The riot police and regular police force were in the main show grounds trying to bring the riot under control. There were now three police helicopters circling the show grounds and car park, relaying information to the police on the ground. They had to call for back up from police forces far and wide. There were a fleet of police cars and police Transit vans parked everywhere, as all the show grounds fences had been ripped apart and used to beat each other! The riot police moved forward shoulder to shoulder, each holding a baton in one hand and a metal shield in the other, The regular police force were behind them, carrying tasers and wearing belts filled with pepper spray and CS gas canisters. They moved in on the rioters, pushing them forward towards the car park so they could contain them and round them all up! Every single one of the breeders, farmers, rioters, looters and any stray day trippers who were left standing, got their "collars felt"! Some of the looting rioters lashed out at the police. They were tasered and got a face full of pepper spray for their troubles. Other were beaten to the ground with batons and then slung into the backs of police vans, then taken to police stations all over Norfolk, booked and thrown into cells for the night! The sheer number of the rioters and brawling breeders and farmers far outnumbered the police and riot squads. As the police eventually surrounded the rioters who had run amok in the show grounds, they were all pushed into the car park where they were met by angry charging bulls. The police helicopters radioed down to their fellow officers, telling them to take cover back in the main show grounds, wherever they could. The police helicopters radioed headquarters and asked for Animal Control specialists to be drafted in to get the bulls under control. Animal Control for dangerous animals eventually arrived. The car park was now out of bounds for the police until Animal Control got the bulls rounded up and sedated with tranquilizer guns. The police took cover in the main show grounds in their patrol cars and vans, waiting for Animal Control to rid the car park of the angry and vicious bulls. Then they would go in and arrest everyone they came across! Animal Control parked next to the police vehicles. They came in ten large horse boxes. Each would hold four bulls. Since the car park was littered with so many demolished 4x4's, bulls rampaging around the car park, terrorising the rioters, non rioting breeders, farmers and male day trippers, not to mention all the mangled doors, twisted tailgates and smashed windscreens.

Mr Finleyson, Martha and Gilbert had watched the melee from the locked Land Rover. They hunched down in their seats so not to be seen. Martha couldn't be seen sitting on her cushion . She knew something was going on outside and was itching to join in. She was clucking, hissing and blowing raspberries very loudly. She was swaying from side to side on her cushion and bobbing her head up and down in excitement.

A stamede of at least forty angry , agitated, bulls, weighing in at least two tons each, hurled themselves towards the rioters at full speed, with nostrils flared, shooting flames from their noses! Their eyes were red with fury and they wanted the blood of the rioters. Mr Finleyson, Martha and Gilbert had fled through the turnstile and were hiding in the Land Rover. Mr Finleyson could not drive away, as he was blocked in by thousands of Range Rovers, Discovery's and defenders. It was like the car park of a production plant! Mr Finleyson turned to Gilbert and said, "It's like being at the drive-in movies watching "High Noon". Gilbert replied, "You said it Oliver! Don't usually get excitement where I live! Who thought the "carrot crunchers" would behave like this?" Mr Finleyson chuckled and looked over at Martha. She was standing on her cushion looking out the window at all the mayhem that was occurring all around them! Her little black beady eyes were shining with excitement. As the angry two ton bulls stampeded towards the rioters, they stopped beating the shit out of each other, and ran for their lives towards the turnstile. The problem was a few hundred of them all tried to get through the turnstile at once. They all got stuck as they piled in. Finally they sent the turnstile crashing to the ground, making the entrance wide enough for the rioters to escape to the car park and the angry stampeding bulls to follow them! As the rioters and bulls ran amok in the car park. The rioters smashed their way into the luxury 4x4's to get away from the stampeding bulls. They used whatever weapon they carried, to smash windscreens and windows and to prise the doors open. They then looted the 4x4 before jumping in to take cover! Colin Brown didn't need weapons to smash his way in. He just wrenched the doors of the Range Rovers off their hinges, and flung them at the charging bulls. He then began to rip the front seats out and also hurl them at the angry charging bulls! It stopped the bulls in their tracks momentarily, before they changed course and began running in a different direction. When the rioters saw Colin wrenching the doors off the Range Rovers, and flinging them and the seats at the stampeding bulls. They all decided to join in. Before you knew it, there were doors and tailgates being wrenched off every 4x4 they came across and flung them at the bulls, not to mention the front and back seats sailing through the air. There was mayhem and chaos everywhere for as far as the eye could see! It wasn't long before every Range Rover, Discovery, and Defender were destroyed by rioters and stampeding bulls! Not one 4x4 had a windscreen, door, tailgate or seats left on them! That didn't stop the rioters from taking cover in the destroyed shell like 4x4. They would just lie down on the floor in the backs of the vehicles to hide from the rampaging animals! The car park now resembled a scrap yard for luxury 4x4's. There were more than enough of these vehicles to go round. The Range Rovers were the biggest and strongest ones to hide in, so they thought. As the bulls charged into the the 4x4's, they sent them crashing into each other! It didn't look like a car park anymore but resembled the aftermath of a demolition derby! Every single Range Rover, Land Rover Discovery or Land Rover Defender was destroyed beyond recognition, except Mr Finleyson's thirty year old Defender. For some reason the rioters and the bulls did not go near it! Probably thought it had been destroyed along with the rest of them!

As by now Colin was fighting with four men who had joined in after Colin had thrown old Bertie into the pig pen! The man who had run over to help Colin and had smashed a chair over the heads of each of the men who had restrained Colin, was being pummeled by three other men who had decided to join in! Colin laid into the four men, leaving them on the ground unconscious and covered in blood. He ran over to help his mate who was lying on the ground being set upon by these three men. Colin grabbed each man from behind and one by one, systematically punched them into the next millennium! By now a full scale riot had broken out. Around one hundred and fifty elderly competitors were knocking the shit out of each other! Gilbert and Mr Finleyson tried to make it to the turnstile, so they could take cover in the Land Rover. Gilbert turned to Mr Finleyson and said, "I guess the judging is off and so is our lunch. Run for the turnstile. Lets get the hell out of here"! Mr Finleyson replied, "Good idea. If we get separated, meet me at my Land Rover. Let's go for it now! Good luck, try to skirt the riot so you go unnoticed"! They both tried to tiptoe towards the turnstile as the riot was now in full swing. Men from other areas of the show grounds had got wind of the riot and took off running towards it! All judging in every category and in every breed of animal was officially cancelled. This was announced over the tannoy. All the day trippers fled for their lives, dragging their children along by their arms! It didn't take long for the entire show grounds to be engaged in rioting! Security guards from all over the show grounds were running this way and that way trying to control the rioting. They all got knocked to the ground for their efforts! The riot police were on their way. Police helicopters were already circling the show grounds, ordering the riots to cease on their helicopter loudspeakers! Those who had heard it looked up at the helicopter and gave them the finger! Food stalls had been ripped apart and looted, with the rioters throwing food at each other. The rioters were running around covered in mayo, ketchup, mustard, custard, whipped cream, relish, chilli and eggs, as they had raided the hen tent, stealing all the eggs and throwing them or smashing them over each other's heads! There were two men hitting each other with candy floss. It looked like handbags at dawn! Chairs were broken up and used to beat each other along with tables. Fence posts ripped out of the ground and used as weapons. The stages that were dotted around the show grounds for the competitions, were dismantled and used as shields against rioters wielding wooden and steel fence posts! The elderly breeders and farmers were beating each other with their walking sticks. A few had zimmer frames they smashed over each other's heads! They were rolling around on the ground ten deep, arms flailing, fists flying, covered in food and sawdust, clothes ripped to shreds, glasses broken, hearing aids ripped out of their ears, comb-overs hanging on their shoulders on one side. False teeth torn out of their mouths, toupees ripped from their heads and trampled on covered in mud and sawdust! It was like a pitched battle. Every vendors stall and every solid object within the show grounds was torn apart, smashed to smithereens, looted and used in any way possible to inflict the maximum damage to each other! Old Bertie was still lying in the pig pen, covered in pig shit with the pigs resting their heads on his body. He was still crying for help. Still no one came to help him! Colin Brown was still in the think of it, fists flying, men being thrown through the air by him, landing in the show animals holding pens. The rioters had let most of the animals our of their pens and they were all running amok. But worse still to come when some asshole decided it would be a clever move to let the bulls out of their holding pens. Before the rioters knew what was happening, the bulls started to stampede towards them, near what used to be the registration

Mr Finleyson sat down behind the wheel. He once again turned round in his seat and said to Gilbert, "What did you think of what just happened? Old Bertie deserved that punch on the nose. Rounding on Colin and verbally abusing him was not a very smart move on Bertie's part. You don't mess with Colin Brown if you want to remain standing"! Gilbert replied, "You're right Oliver, but the irony is that Colin did not touch Bertie's lousy jumper. He is innocent in all of this. We know who the culprit is". He leaned forward to look in Martha's direction. "Don't worry Oliver, your secret is safe with me"! The two men just stared at Martha, who stared back with her cocked to one side, looking as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Mr Finleyson turned to Gilbert and said, "I'm starving. We've missed lunch. How about us going back into the show grounds and making our way to where the food stalls are"? Gilbert replied, "Good idea Oliver, what about Martha and the other hens"? "The hens in the cages", said Mr Finleyson, "will be fine, for all the time we will be gone. I'll just bring Martha with us. I'll just pop on the carrier I made for her. Let's get organised to go"! They both got out of the Land Rover. Mr Finleyson went round to the back and opened the tailgate and took what looked like an old flannel shirt. It was some sort of sling he had made using three old flannel shirts that had seen better days. He had cut the sleeves off and sewn, by hand, the body of the shirts together, making a large pouch. He had then made a long strap from the sleeves and attached it to the pouch. It didn't look pretty but it did the job! Mr Finleyson had always recycled for longer than he cared to remember. He recycled before it became popular. He saw no point in wasting anything or spending money when he didn't have to. He put the contraption on and reached in and picked up Martha from her cushion. He put her on the ground for a few minutes to stretch her little stick legs and do her business. She walked around, pecking the ground along the way. After ten minutes, he picked her up and popped her into the flannel pouch. You could just see her beak and little black, beady eyes peering out at the world. This way his hands were free to eat and have a cup of coffee. The three of them set off towards the turnstile to re-enter the show grounds. Mr Finleyson was wondering why there had been no announcement over the tannoy, informing the competitors,the judging was about to start. He found that strange as it was after 12:00 p.m. The competition was easily behind schedule. As soon as they went through the turnstile, they heard an almighty uproar. While they had been away for around twenty minutes, all hell had broken loose! After Colin Brown had punched old Bertie in the face, sending him crashing to the ground, via the registration table, which he took with him to the ground, a couple of men in the next queue had helped old Bertie to his feet, while another two men behind Colin each grabbed one of his arms, pinning them behind his back. Bertie, now standing after being helped to his feet by the two men in the next queue. With Colin's arms pinned behind his back, Bertie flew at him, knocking him to the ground along with the two men restraining Colin! They all fell backwards, landing on the dirt floor, which was covered in sawdust. One of Colin's mates standing three queues away, saw what had happened and ran over to help Colin. He picked up one of the folding chairs at the long table and smashed it over the heads of the two men who had restrained Colin! Colin jumped up and grabbed old Bertie and lifted him above his head and threw him as far as he could through the air. Old Bertie landed in the pig pen on the other side of the long table! Working on the rigs had made Colin stronger than most men. Even at his advancing years, he could outrun, outfight and was fitter then a man half his age! Colin was afraid of nobody! The years of brawling in pubs left him with a fierce reputation throughout Scotland. He never ran from a fight but was always the first to jump right in! He was now in his element! Old Bertie was now covered in foul smelling pig shit as he lay on his back, unable to move, as one of the pigs was sitting on him! His clothes were ripped and caked in pig shit! His back was aching from landing on it. He reckoned Colin had broken his back. He lay there calling for help. No one came to his rescue!

Mr Finleyson and Gilbert stared at each other in disbelief. Martha became excited, her little, black beady eyes full of mischief and fire! She started to screech and rock back and forth violently, trying to break free from Mr Finleyson's death like grip. He turned to Gilbert and said, "I don't know how much longer I can hold onto Martha." He then looked Gilbert squarely in the eyes and said, "The shit is about to hit the fan. Run for cover!" Both of them and Martha siddled towards the car park. They beat a hasty retreat through the turnstile and ran to Mr Finleyson's Land Rover, parked right at the front, close to the turnstile. Mr Finleyson opened the door and got in, setting Martha down on her cushion. Gilbert opened the back door and got in. Mr Finleyson turned in his seat and said to Gilbert, "What about my hens in the holding pen, in the tent near the registration area?" Gilbert said to him, "Don't worry, they should be ok. Everyone who is competing in the hen category will have their hens in the hen tent. If you want me to go and cage them up and bring them back while you stay here with Martha. I will go now if that will put your mind at ease? I don't mind. I will be happy to go and get them." Mr Finleyson said to Gilbert, "Thank you Gil, I really appreciate your offer but I don't want to put you to any trouble." Gilbert replied, "It isn't any trouble Oliver, it will only take me ten minutes at most." Mr Finleyson replied, "Go ahead then, I would feel better if they were safely back in the Land Rover with us!" Gilbert then opened the back door and got out and headed back towards the turnstile, leaving Mr Finleyson with Martha. The turnstile was only around fifteen feet from the Land Rover. Gilbert disappeared through it. Mr Finleyson sat and waited with Martha. After around fifteen minutes he saw Gilbert emerge carrying one of the cages. He set it down on the ground and went back for the other cage. He emerged with the second cage a minute later. Mr Finleyson felt relief. He got out of his 4x4 and went to give Gilbert a hand carrying one of the cages. They both walked back to the Land Rover, each carrying a cage with the other hens. They put the cages in the back of the vehicle. Mr Finleyson fed and watered the hens before shutting the tailgate. He also fed and watered Martha before getting back in the Land Rover.

Back in Norwich at the show grounds, old Bertie has taken off his jumper to have a look at the missing back. He sees it and starts shouting and reels from the shock of seeing a big gap where the back used to be. He then begins shouting how his beloved mother had knitted the jumper fortyfive years ago! Mr Finleyson and Gilbert, having already registered, are standing off to the side of the registration table watching old Bertie throw a hissy fit over his crappy old jumper. Mr Finleyson is having to hold onto Martha with all his might as she has become agitated and bolshy over the sight of old Bertie, who she cannot stand because he had taken her bowl of food the year before at a competition, to give to his hens. He had also chased her out of her holding pen, where she had become separated from the other hens which belonged to Mr Finleyson. She had hated the sight of old Bertie ever since. She has never forgotten or forgiven what he did to her. She is trying to break free from Mr Finleyson's tight grip on her. She begins to hiss and blow raspberries as loud as she could manage, which drew attention to her and Mr Finleyson from the competitors who stood in the queues, still waiting to register. A few of the men in the queues gave her disapproving looks. She acknowledged their derisory looks by sticking out her little tongue and letting rip with a long and loud raspberry! Mr Finleyson just stood there holding onto Martha and smiling at everyone. He felt a bit uncomfortable with Martha's unbridled behavior! Old Bertie still stood at the registration table shouting and arguing with the woman seated at the long table. He was holding up the queue and the men in his queue were becoming impatient and angry with Bertie. Nobody cared about his lousy jumper! It was at that point old Bertie turned around and saw Colin Brown standing behind him. All of a sudden he turned on Colin and pointed at him, shouting, "You old bastard, you did this to my jumper! " Old Bertie was still holding on to the remains of his jumper when he rounded on Colin. He held it up to Colin's face to show him the back was missing. Before Colin could respond, old Bertie threw the jumper in his face and began shouting and swearing at him! Colin peeled the tattered jumper off his face and said to old Bertie, "Who do you think you are accusing me and assaulting me with that moth eaten rag, and where do you come off shouting at me and calling me a bastard?" "I don't suffer fools gladly and you're the biggest fool here!" Before Bertie could respond, Colin punched him right in the face, sending Bertie crashing onto the registration table, where all the women sitting there scattered! The long table collapsed, sending Bertie crashing to the ground!

He had to really pull hard on the driver's door to get it open. He got in and unzipped his jacket and took Martha out and set her down on her cushion, which he had carried out of the church with him. He put the space heater on and started up the Land Rover. It turned over at the first attempt. They sat there letting the engine warm up. He de-iced the windscreen but the rest of the windows were frozen solid. It was like being in a tunnel of frozen snow! As they sat there waiting for the 4x4 to defrost, he mused over the night's events which had occurred. What a night it had been! Martha hissing and blowing raspberries in church, no service took place, he was blamed by his fellow parishioners, ordered into the minister's office to his utter embarrassment and mortification, was given a severe dressing down by the minister, who he had regarded as a friend for years but now realises that the minister is nothing but an egotistic, arrogant, self-important, dour, pompous gasbag with no sense of humour! Mr Finleyson then thought of his parents. He was at that moment glad they were dead, because what had occurred tonight would surely have killed them! He could not wait to get home to his warm and toasty house, where the roaring Aga and the Inglenook fireplace awaited them. He shook his head and smiled. He glanced at his watch, it was now 3:45 a.m. As he put the clutch in with his left foot and put it into first gear. The roads would be treacherous, so he put the auxiliary four wheel drive on and very slowly took his foot off the clutch and the Land Rover started to take off. The road was like a skating rink. He could feel the back of the 4x4 swing out. The worse thing you could do was to hit the brakes on black ice. Even driving a 4x4 was not making a blind bit of difference. He had actually driven on worse roads than this in his long driving career. The 4x4 started to skid sideways. He turned into the skid, taking his foot off the clutch and throttle pedal. He down shifted, the 4x4 straightened itself up. He was doing five mph and he drove like this all the way home. All fifteen miles! There were an assortment of abandoned cars littered along the verge and in ditches on the roadside. As he neared the entrance to his farm, it was still dark. He checked his watch again. It read 4:45 a.m. It had taken him an hour to drive the fifteen miles to his farm from the village! Martha was asleep. What a bloody disaster of a night it had been. Since he usually got up to start his days work on the farm at 5:00 a.m., there was no point in going to his bed. He would put Martha in her bed in front of the warm Aga, so she could get a few hours sleep. He would then go upstairs and take a long, hot bath, then put on fresh clothes and begin his day. He would have breakfast and his usual two cups of hot strong coffee, rebuild the fire in the Inglenook fireplace, restock the Aga with wood to keep it going for the day. As it was so cold, he put logs in the wood burning stove which was in the dining room. He would leave the door to the dining room open to circulate the heat. Tom would be here at 6:00 a.m. to give him a hand for the day. He would let Martha have a long lie without being disturbed. He had missed sharing his cereal and toast with Martha but there was always tomorrow. Today was Christmas day but to Mr Finleyson it was just another day of working the farm. He would send Tom home early to have Christmas dinner, while he and Martha watched the Queen's speech to the nation. His mind drifted back to last night and he realised the night had not been a total disaster after all. It had turned out to be a very merry Christmas, thanks to Martha!!