Thelma also keeps trying to teach Martha to swear. Thelma can out swear any person, man or woman in Britain! Fortunately for Mr Finleyson and the inhabitants of the highlands, this is one skill Martha will never accomplish. It was bad enough hearing Thelma in full flow whenever they entered the pet shop but the thought of Martha swearing like Thelma, at everyone she encountered, made him shudder! He stood and imagined Martha at Tesco' s doing the Charleston on an upturned apple crate in the produce section, surrounded by admiring customers and staff who had gathered to see her dance, when all of a sudden, Martha starts hissing, blowing raspberrie's and effing and blinding at everyone in the produce section, including children! Her hissing and raspberry blowing was now out of control and very embarrassing for Mr Finleyson at times. He had witnessed Thelma shouting and swearing in the pet shop and Miss Daniels' customers fleeing the shop with their lips pinned back in terror, knocking each other to the ground to get away from the belligerent Thelma! Mr Finleyson was still reeling from being banned for life from his local church because of Martha last Christmas, when they attended midnight mass, as they did every year. As it was now September, and not even a year had passed, he was still upset by the incident and the fact that he could not attend midnight mass and the festivities leading up to Christmas and the New year, made him sad. He had never in his life missed midnight mass, nor was excluded from the choir and lending a helping hand. The incident which took place, that ended with a life ban, occurred last Christmas eve when he and all the villagers attended midnight mass at the local church. Since the church and it's parishioners did not conform to the constraints of a big town or a large city's parochial ways, so they could do things their way. It was not uncommon to see an array of pets and farm animals attending this service with their owners as long as they were well behaved and not a nuisance to the other parishioners, they were welcome in the church by the minister himself Mr Finleyson had taken Martha for five years without incident. This year was different though, Martha had learned to hiss and blow raspberry's since the year before's midnight mass! They entered the church at 11:45 pm, and sat at the very back pew which was on the right of the entrance door. It had been freezing out all week, with heavy snowfalls which had frozen solid, causing chaos on the roads and blocking access to outlying farms. Snowploughs were working round the clock. Those snowed in on the outlying and remote farms came into the village to attend the service on snow mobiles and tractors. Mr Finleyson was grateful of the churches efficient central heating. The warmth enveloped them as they came in through the door. He and Martha settled into the back pew and he took off his hat, scarf and heavy donkey jacket which had seen better days. Like · · Promote · Share